nadya: (do you speek moop?)
So, yesterday evening was awesome. And I'm totally considering that it was a date. We went to see the new Chronicles of Narnia movie in 3D. It was epic and amazing!

And after that we went to a café for a desert - I ordered this monstrous desert of ice cream and whipped cream. The waitress asked if it was going to be shared between the two of us. It's a good thing that I said yes, she brought 2 spoons for us, because I wouldn't have eaten it all myself.

And I did kiss him. At least, on the cheek, but still - I've wanted to kiss him for a long time now. I don't know how I didn't freak out, it was nice kissing him. And I think he kind of felt good about me kissing him.

And I texted him about maybe going out for a walk together today. And as I was sending the text, I could only think if I was going to regret this text later or not. But he did reply and did agree on going to a walk. So, right now, my legs kind of hurt from all the walking, but my mood is awesome, I'm feeling almost as great as I did after yesterday's date.

And maybe tomorrow we'll go out again, just this time with our friends. Maybe, go to see the city's main Christmas tree in the city's centre. And then a new mall was opened yesterday, so maybe we'll visit that - just to see what's the deal with it is.

Maybe, something will blossom out of this or maybe not. At least, I'm trying now to get him to be mine or something...
nadya: (arthur/inception)
Need to update the journal some time, yeah?

The cold hit us here very suddenly, just last week I was still wearing my autumn coat, this weak it's been up to -15 already and I'm wearing 3 layers of warm clothes, a winter coat and hat. AWESOME! And there's so much snow, it's pretty amazing.

My tooth has been mended yesterday. The poor dentist worked for an hour till she got the filling in the tooth right. And she polished off my 2 front teeth, where they'd gone grey for some reason. And now my teeth look a little bit more presentable. But the tooth did ache badly yesterday, when the anaesthetics wore off, I couldn't fall asleep for a long time...

I don't know what came over me yesterday. Maybe it was a freak accident. I flirted with one of my friends, who I'm basically in love with. It's just that I don't flirt, I don't know how. But the things that I've said and the things that I've done and with how he responded to everything - it was definitely a mutual flirtation. That's how it felt like - he definitely loved it, but maybe I'm reading too much into this.

And tomorrow we're going to the cinema, I've bought tickets today... I just don't understand one thing, is this supposed to be a date or just typical friends going to see a movie. I'm pretty clueless with this things.

But maybe I'll be lucky to kiss him...
nadya: (Default)
Contains ramblings and thoughts that is hard to follow. Even I'm having a hard time.

The problem this time and all the other times is love. That's the problem that always follows me. I don't think that I asked my mother what love is and how do you know when you're in love, when I was a little kid. And now I don't know how to tell if I am really in love. I think I just mix up the feelings for my friends with thinking that I'm in love with some of them. It has happened a couple of time already.

My thoughts on this, is that I didn't have really close friends when I was a child and now when someone is genuinely concerned with my well being. They are being good friends, and I just get a crush on them and fall in love then. I can't seem to see when a person really is interested in me.

I am kind of stupidly out of the loop on everything concerning love. I had one boyfriend in my 2 year of university, but it didn't lead to anything. He wasn't the type of person for me. I had my first kiss with him, I was 20 then. And to be honest with you I am still a virgin. I am kind of ashamed of this, but this is who I am.

I don't know how to act with a guy, so he'd understand that I like him more than a friend. I act with all of them like a good friend. I joke around, I talk to them, I try being nice.

I'm just confused.

The biggest problem concerning love with me, is that I live in a sort of fantasy world. I daydream a lot. It's like, it's better to dream about something that have it in real life.

And I have this thing that since like 15 years old I can't understand if I like girls or not. I should seriously see a psychologist. Maybe he could help. One time I had this really ugly fight with a friend from my class, and I ran after her crying, asking for an apology and she wouldn't and then she didn't talk to me for a couple of days. I was heartbroken and really sad. And only couple of years later that maybe I was in love with her, and I just didn't understand that...

Mu mind is fucked up.

And this time I fell in love with this one awesome guy, who is a great friend of mine. I was trying to tell him that I like him before the summer break, but I was a chicken shit. I said to myself that he will find a girlfriend during summer and I will kick myself for that and I will regret not telling him about my feelings. You can guess, that he did find a GF. And she is awesome, she really is. And I don't hate her, I just dislike myself for being typical me...

I hope, that someday, this typical me will find someone.

And I've been telling myself that I really don't need a boyfriend (or maybe girlfriend) to have fun and enjoy life.

I will get over him and I will go on living. I just have to stop thinking about him to much.
nadya: (want me to sing "soft kitty"?)
I'm just updating to say that I saw Inception and I think it's the best damn movie that I've ever seen. It's jaw dropping, amazing, awesome and I didn't really notice that those 2,5 hours went so fast. The movie is just that awesome. If you haven't seen it, go see it now!!!! =D

I have only positive emotion about this movie. And I want to watch it millions of times.

And the party on Saturday was super awesome! I had so much fun! We drank, danced, played silly games. The party was a blast!

I'll post an update tomorrow probably, when I get home. Because right now, it's so hot in the room that my brains are melting and I can't really function. IT'S HOT! About 35 degrees Celsius. At least, back at the parent's flat, we have a fan.

And I realized one thing for myself at the party on Saturday - unrequited love is addictive. Maybe next time I won't be too late on asking. But what can I do now? Nothing. So, life goes on. And maybe someday, somehow I will find someone for myself.

Life,

May. 19th, 2010 07:40 pm
nadya: (think happy thoughts)
Three week for dreamwidth have passed and it was awesome! =D I'm glad I participated. And I finally posted what I've thought about for a long time - the picspams. I loved making them, it was really fun.

I've been remembering my lost hobby of crocheting and it has been going great. I've already done one serviette (I don't really know the proper word for this, if you do, please tell me) and began another and it's going to be finished soon. They are all kind of small, but they will mostly be used to put under vases or some other things.

my finished little creation )

These past 3 or even more, I've been wishing on double digits on clocks, wishing the same fucking wish. I know it won't come true if I don't act out on it myself, but it's so much easier being a coward and letting some opportunities pass me by. This time, as always, the opportunity is love. And I'm a hopeless cowardly romantic... I'm a loser.

One of my room-mates has gone home for 2 weeks and me and my other room-mate decided to move some furniture around. It's kind of awesome. We didn't move her stuff of course, just moved furniture in my part of the room. But I still feel, when the room-mate comes back she will be really upset, angry and mostly will try to say that we should've asked her if we could move stuff around. She's really obnoxious.
nadya: (matt; whoops)
I think my mind knows what I want. Some days ago, I got this idea in my head that I need to ask this one boy out on a date. And that's all I've been thinking about practically all the time since then. And I guess my mind granted me my wish, I asked him out in my dreams. The dream was pretty amazing, I woke up with the most awesome mood!

How do you ask a boy out on a date? I've never done that, and I just can't get him alone to ask. And I'm scared to ask when there's people around. I'm a scardy cat. But I will find the time and the place to ask. I just hope he says yes. This is what I'm mostly scared of, him saying no, thanks.

One of the important things for me is not to get scared, when the right time and place comes. I just need to battle my fears.
nadya: (you have the grand gift of silence)
Feeling down a little bit. Realised that I definitely seriously stupidly fell in love and right now I don't know what to do. On one hand, it's a good thing, but on the other - not so great. I really should just ask him out and if he says no, I'll just move on. But I know myself, I'm a coward, I won't be able to ask him.

I feel like shit right now. I shouldn't be left alone when I'm sad, then all kinds of bad thought visit me. Like, 1) no one loves me; 2) I'm an ugly girl 3) I'm fat and I need to lose weight and then I'll be pretty (although I weight like 54 kg) 4) sometimes my mind remembers when I was in 10th grade and most of the time I was a sad little emo person and I wanted to die.

It's sad to be me sometimes, although all the other times I'm a happy person. Just sometimes I hit the low points in life and they are ugly. I think it's not that ugly inside my head like other people experience, but sometimes it gets quite ugly.

I've training today, sports should beat the shit out of the sadness - it usually does. And then in the evening me and some friends from uni will probably go somewhere. Maybe that will cheer me up.

To cheer myself up and to cheer everyone reading this, have a Patrick gif made by [livejournal.com profile] craww

so cute

Sep. 26th, 2009 10:06 am
nadya: (think happy thoughts)
Frank Iero with his chihuahua
Once bitten, I must now roam eternity as a chihuahua of the night. - Frank.

It's such an awesome photo!

I think I'm back to the land of DW, but I don't think it's for long. Studies are killing me, I have 4 tests awaiting me in the next 3 weeks.

Not only that I manage to fall hopelessly in love with this guy, who I am friends with. Worst luck ever. And as usual I don't even know if he likes me back. But we'll see about that, in some days I'm going to be whining about how he doesn't like me and my life is over. It's going to be something like my high-school crush.
nadya: (Default)
I so wasn't convincing myself yesterday that I wasn't in love with this one person. Really. I didn't. It's just a momentary lapse of sanity or something else. I don't want to be in love. DNW! Acting like a child - it's stupid. And maybe I'm just confusing love with admiration or something else. After all, I don't know what love is. And that person wasn't in classes yesterday, so I could prove to myself that I wasn't in love.

I'm slowly and surely fulfilling my new year's resolution. I've started writing poems again. I'm happy for this, but why do the inspiration come when I'm half asleep already and too tired to reach for a pen and my diary. But at least I'll finally write again.

My favourite pastime at the moment is reading my old diaries. I'm learning so much about myself:

How many time did I want to start my life all over again, how many times did I want to end it. I wanted to find love, I cursed at myself too much. Got confused and hated myself and my body. And how many times did I hate my mother and think that she hates me. Too many times. This is summed up version of my diary (dated from 2007-01 to 2007-11) How many times did I fall in love? I got confused with my sexuality. I'm just a confusing person, and sometimes I don't understand myself.

December 2013

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