Think happy thoughts!

Just watched the new Supernatural episode. And OMG, it was awesome! This season has been so good and I don't want it to end. There's only 2 episode left and I think I'm going to be left crying in the end, just as always, as I cried when Bobby died and then when Charlie was reading The Hobbit to her mother. This show gives so many sad feels it's not funny.

Teen Wolf is coming back on June 3rd. I CANNOT WAIT. I want season 3 so bad, it's going to be badass, I can feel it! And I've been reading so many sterek fanfics, that's really not healthy. WHATEVER.

I literally just focus on one ship at a time and when I get bored I just move on. My all time OTP is and always be Gerard/Frank, I'm just obsessed. And then there was Ryan/Brendon and Brendon/Spencer and then there was Eames/Arthur and now it's Sterek. I'm just not alright. What's going to be next?

I've been procrastinating with reading books. I bought Pete Wentz's book, and I'm just on chapter 19. It's a slow read with this book. And Game Of Thrones is just lying on my table waiting for me to pick it up.

And yesterday I ordered a new book called The Maze Runner by James Dashner. And I don't know if it's a good book, but they're making it into movies and the only reason I know about this is because Dylan O'Brien has been cast as the main character. If it were another actor that I didn't care about, I think I wouldn't even consider buying the book and thinking about seeing the movie. But here we are, because Dylan O'Brien is fucking awesome!

And now I'm considering buying a collection of stories called Unnatural Creatures, collected by Neil Gaiman, it should be an interesting book.

And speaking about movies, I'm going to see Iron Man 3 this weekend and then Star Trek is coming out in 2 weeks, which is so fucking exciting!

And I fucking got an inspiration to write something in this journal. Yay!

Got home from the blues festival today. It was more like a 2 day drinking festival. But it was fucking awesome! I'm exhausted and sunburned, but very happy. And my mind isn't functioning real good, so bear with every stupid thing that I write today. It's just a recap of my time there, no review of the bands, since the point of that festival was just to meet up with friends and drink.

We got to the festival at about 4 p.m. on Friday and had to wait an hour in the line of cars while it was madly hot outside. Put up our tents and went for a swim, which was the first swim of this summer for me.

The weather on the first day was very hot and stuffy, and it was like 30 degrees Celsius. The sun was shining bright, so it's not really that strange that I got sunburned, even though I used a SPF40 sun lotion. I guess I need a 50+ one. And yes, I did apply it every time I got out of the water.

Mostly our little company spent time near our tents, where we ate and drank, but we did go dance and see some bands play. I thought that I wouldn't really like blues that much, but apparently it's more of a country music than ever. And I kind of like it. There wasn't really a band the first day to catch my full attention, but they weren't bad, just not my kind of bands.

And that day we went to sleep at 5 a.m. and because of the people still partying near our tents we didn't really get a good night sleep and woke up at fucking 7 a.m. And the funny thing is that one of our friends said something like "I hope we are not planning to wake at 7 or something". And then most of us got up at 7:30 a.m. There were some lucky people from our group that were able to sleep longer. But we got to experience a great calm morning and awesomely cold water.

The second day of the festival was spent by driving to go buy more alcohol, which still wasn't enough for us and we had to do a second run in the evening. And then some people went sightseeing and some of us stayed near the tents and played cards. And then it started raining, really hard - it was more like a storm with big wind and lightning and thunder. Unfortunately, the weather didn't get better. It would stop raining for a little bit and then it would all start again.

So, while it rained all 9 of us were sitting in the tent, made for 6 people, drinking and playing cards.

The weather got better by the time the concert was supposed to start, so we managed to see some bands and dance some more. This time this awesome singer and her band caught my eye. It was Yolanda Bush and The Road Band. Their music was awesome and her voice was just amazing. She was really great. And they played some covers and it was fucking MAGICAL for me when they started playing Come Together by the Beatles!!!!

And then in the middle of next performer it started raining and we had to run to our tents. I got soaked to the bones, thankfully I had spare clothes. It was about 3 a.m. or something, I don't really remember, but I went to sleep then and had the most amazing sleep ever and woke up at 8, I think.

And then it was just time to slowly pack our things, eat something and drive back home.

And now I just realized that I don't have any breakfast for tomorrow and all of the shops are already closed. And even if they were open, I'd still be too tired to go there.

Sorry, for the ramblings. Too much has happened at that festival, I wouldn't be able to even cover everything in one post.

( some photos )

1. I'm feeling miserable because I'm sick, I'm coughing a lot and have a bit of a head cold... And I've having bouts of coughing fit every 10-15 minutes, which has been driving me crazy since Wednesday.

And I've been making lots of people annoyed at me because in the last week I had two 2,5 hour trips on train and two 1,5 hour trips on a bus with the same horrible coughing fit that I have right now. At the end of the journey I just wanted to stand up and say "I'm sorry, but I'm so sick I cannot stop coughing". I think everyone wanted to kill me, I wanted to kill me.

Yesterday I had a coughing fit for about 5 minutes without stopping and my medicine wasn't helping, the coughing fit brought me to tears and I thought I would throw up. FUCK YOU BODY! Get well already!

2. So, I've been miserable all morning since I woke up and then I decided, if I'm feeling miserable I'll just sit at home till I get a little bit better and just be lazy. And by being lazy I mean just sit and the computer and watch stuff like brotherhood 2.0 on YouTube and reading Keltie Colleen's book Rocketters, Rockstars and Rockbottom. It's a great book to make you feel sad and happy at the same time...

3. I've been thinking of making a goal of reading more books this year. When I was in uni, I didn't really have that much free time to read recreationally, all the reading I did was something to do with studies. And now I think that now when I have free time I don't need to study I could definitely read more books.

And I already started reading more books, my friend A has been helpful. Firstly she got me acquainted to vlogbrothers and brotherhood 2.0 (which is where 2 brother were communicating via videos for a whole year, without any textual communication). One of the brothers, John Green, is a writer of young adult fiction.

And my friend gave me 2 of his books to read. One was his last book, which I read first, named The Fault in Our Stars and then his first novel Looking for Alaska. And let me tell you, those are one hell of AMAZING AWESOME EPIC books I've ever had fortune to read! You think you know what's going to happen and BAM, totally different thing happens in an epic way, that makes you sometimes laugh really hard or fucking cry your eyes out! You should definitely check those books out and he has published more than 2 books, that I haven't read yet, but I think they are going to be awesome too.

4. I visited my friends in Kaunas this Friday and it was amazing! Went to a bar on Friday night, had a great time. The great thing is that the bartenders recognize our group now, my
friends from Kaunas come to that bar almost every week, and every time I go to Kaunas, we visit that bar. It's a very EPIC bar. =D

So, when we were at the bar that Friday, we started talking that Marilyn Manson is going to have a concert in Lithuania on June 12th and that maybe we should go. And we decided to buy tickets. My friend A still can't believe that when we came back to her place after the bar, she bought the tickets right away...

And now I'm going to attend a Marilyn Manson concert on June 12th. I never thought that I would do that, ever!

5. And on Saturday one of our friends had a housewarming party. It's a really crazy idea to me, that any 24-25 year old person would have his/her own flat at this age. I don't know when I'm going to even start thinking of buying my own flat, I still need to think through a lot of things in my life to make that decision.

OK. Today I managed to get about 4 hours of sleep because I was at the most amazing birthday party last night. It was a double birthday celebration 'cause one of our friend's birthday was yesterday and another's was on July 30th, but due to most of us working and not able to clear our work schedule it was decided to make it a double celebration, so more people could come.

It was a really fun evening. The most interesting thing was meeting everyone after not seeing some of them for a whole month after our graduation. It was nice to catch up. And now it's an unknown date when all the group will be back together for another party.

The person's whose birthday was yesterday was always the one who planned the birthday presents, so this time we had to all think about what to get him. I and my 2 great friends took to planning and came up something that he liked.

And I definitely loved that he was in love with the present. We made him a Big Lebowsky kit, which included a bottle of vodka and coffee flavoured liqueur to make white russian/black russian cocktail as he wished, pyjamas, a Jack Daniels t-shirt and a shaker for making cocktails. His reaction to the present was amazing and I didn't know that a 24 year old guy could squeal so high from happiness. It was awesome!

I'm really proud of the present that we made for him.

And the present for the other person was fun too. The present combined simple things that she loves, we got her a flowerpot, filled it with coffee beans, in the centre of the pot there was 2 bottles of Guinness beer and it had a flower stuck to one of the bottles. And she got a kid's drawing toy (I don't even know how it's really called) that looks like a computer screen, that was done to make fun of her of being a serious computer geek. =D

And now I serious need to go to sleep. It's really great that I don't have work tomorrow, I'm going to sleep for a long time.

Contains ramblings and thoughts that is hard to follow. Even I'm having a hard time.

The problem this time and all the other times is love. That's the problem that always follows me. I don't think that I asked my mother what love is and how do you know when you're in love, when I was a little kid. And now I don't know how to tell if I am really in love. I think I just mix up the feelings for my friends with thinking that I'm in love with some of them. It has happened a couple of time already.

My thoughts on this, is that I didn't have really close friends when I was a child and now when someone is genuinely concerned with my well being. They are being good friends, and I just get a crush on them and fall in love then. I can't seem to see when a person really is interested in me.

I am kind of stupidly out of the loop on everything concerning love. I had one boyfriend in my 2 year of university, but it didn't lead to anything. He wasn't the type of person for me. I had my first kiss with him, I was 20 then. And to be honest with you I am still a virgin. I am kind of ashamed of this, but this is who I am.

I don't know how to act with a guy, so he'd understand that I like him more than a friend. I act with all of them like a good friend. I joke around, I talk to them, I try being nice.

I'm just confused.

The biggest problem concerning love with me, is that I live in a sort of fantasy world. I daydream a lot. It's like, it's better to dream about something that have it in real life.

And I have this thing that since like 15 years old I can't understand if I like girls or not. I should seriously see a psychologist. Maybe he could help. One time I had this really ugly fight with a friend from my class, and I ran after her crying, asking for an apology and she wouldn't and then she didn't talk to me for a couple of days. I was heartbroken and really sad. And only couple of years later that maybe I was in love with her, and I just didn't understand that...

Mu mind is fucked up.

And this time I fell in love with this one awesome guy, who is a great friend of mine. I was trying to tell him that I like him before the summer break, but I was a chicken shit. I said to myself that he will find a girlfriend during summer and I will kick myself for that and I will regret not telling him about my feelings. You can guess, that he did find a GF. And she is awesome, she really is. And I don't hate her, I just dislike myself for being typical me...

I hope, that someday, this typical me will find someone.

And I've been telling myself that I really don't need a boyfriend (or maybe girlfriend) to have fun and enjoy life.

I will get over him and I will go on living. I just have to stop thinking about him to much.

I was at the annual Pharmacist gathering this weekend. It is organized every year by one of our professors from university. There were about 100 people there: students, teachers and people who work in pharmacy field. We stayed in this beautiful regional nature park with lots of rivers, big forests and bogs. We stayed there for 2 days.

The weather was thankfully sunny, warm and awesome. Although when we were driving from Kaunas, it was raining really hard, but then we arrived at the destination and it was sunny there! It was surprising 'cause meteorologist told that it was supposed to rain.

We arrived, set up our tents and then just went exploring. There was an awesome trail made that we explored. Then we helped to organize the main table, helped making food. Played football. And then when the evening arrived the party started =) We danced, sang, and there was a big fire. And, of course, we got drunk. At least I know my limit with alcohol, and I think most of us knew when to stop, so no one puked or gotten sick... But I drank a lot. But I felt fine the next morning.

We went to sleep at 4 a.m. and woke up at 8 a.m. And I managed to wake up at like 6 a.m because I was super cold, only my sleeping bag can take temperature up to -10 Celsius, so I don't know how that happened and I was dressed warm.

So, we all woke up, had breakfast, went to the river, some of us had a swim. I just walked in the water, it was just really cold, so swimming was out of the question. We played with the ball some more. After a really big dinner made by the students and the teachers we began packing up. But before driving back home there was a little excursion to an upland bog. It's 3,37 square kilometres and it's seriously amazing. There was a wooden trail made, so people could walk though the bog and the sights were amazing. I've never seen this kind of bogs before. It was awesome.

And then we came back to the camping sight, packed the last of our belongings and finally went home.

And I took lots of photos, about 500 of photos, but I deleted like 80 of them. I had so much fun. I hope we'll be going to this gathering next year again.

So, I watched the movie. And I'm thoroughly impressed. The movie was really pretty. The dynamic between Holmes and Watson was amazing, how Holmes manipulated Watson to follow him into adventures. I think Watson was compelled to follow Holmes and help him 'cause Holmes was always acting like a child and needed saving. But now I really do understand why everyone is shipping Holmes/Watson. I don't know if I just on this one.

I loved how they portrayed the great deductions that Holmes could make and how some of them got him in some trouble. And all of the fighting, I know that they needed to make the movie more spectacular, but I don't really think that Holmes and Watson did so much fighting, but I can't really know. And I loved when Watson came back after the hospital and Holmes was like 'I'm happy that you're... with us.'

There was so much good stuff, I can't even remember them right this instance. Just, I have lots of positive emotions about this movie. I'm really glad I went to see it. And the thing is that I felt that I'll like this movie, what since there's 'bromance' of some sort and I just saw that half of the bandom was really happy with this movie, so I thought that it might be a movie just for me. And it was.

And I think this face ♥___♥ perfectly describes the feelings I have for this movie. Now I'm thinking of purchasing the DVD when it comes out. If I could, I'd go see this movie again and again. Being a student stops me of doing that since I don't have that much money and I don't have much time too... Sadly.

Basing the review on my last year's new year resolution, I don't think I've accomplished that much, I wrote even fewer poems than I did in 2008, but I think they do convey my emotions pretty well. So, I guess I was staying with my emotions the whole year. No serious break downs, just minor downs in life. And I almost understand myself in terms of what's making me super happy and super down. And that's really good.

The most amazing thing about 2009 is me finding really great friends, the ones who I think I wouldn't mind being in touch with after university. And I hope we will be in touch. The only thing that mostly nerves me, those friends are all boys. Mother isn't so happy about that also. But they are awesome people.

I did amazing in university this year, everyone and even my parents and even me are surprised. I've never thought I'd ever get marks this good and I even got scholarship. Amazing!

The sad things in 2009 are all the fucking deaths that happened, I know lots of people are talking about this, but why the fuck is death taking talented people. And I don't mean this in like death should take only untalented unpopular people. I think basing on this year 2010 wouldn't be great in plans of death too. But we could keep hoping that 2010 won't take this many talented amazing people.

New Year's resolution: 1. Maybe finally, finally find myself a boyfriend or something. Or I just thing I need to man up and ask this one guy I like. 2. Keep trying in the learning department, try for another scholarship. 3. Still try to be in touch with my feelings and just do things that make me happy.

I try to pretend to be a hard ass, to be someone cool. I'm really not. I'm just a stupid sweetheart, a goody-two-shoes. Sometimes I put up a front. And I try to be someone else. And I don't really know who I am. And I don't understand what I'm trying to say, do you?

I'm trying to change myself. I need to find good friends or I'll be alone forever. I can only change the way I look, I don't really know how to change my inside world. I tend to drive people away. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Stupid.

I write in a normal diary, I love listening to different music, I read stupid books and sometimes not so stupid, sometimes I read mangas, kids literature. I think I'm nothing, a no one. You shouldn't pay attention to me. I get attached to people easily. Maybe this is where the problem is. But I don't have that many people to spend my free time. Loser - this is what I am. And even other losers don't want to spend time with me. And it's a Friday's evening - and I'm sitting at the computer, listening to music. It doesn't really make me an interesting person, does it? Rhetorical question.

I think of myself as cynic, but I love life too. Sometimes I don't feel anything, sometimes I feel too much. And I hate it. I don't have a purpose to live and I don't understand the why. Why do I have to live? Another rhetorical question.

And I wanted to keep this journal pity free. Guess, it can't be helped especially when it comes to the person like me.

Other news: I went shopping alone today, and how I hate shopping alone. But I bought some awesome clothes and I went to a book-store and found the first part of Hellsing manga there. I've read the half of it already. Now I need to wait for other parts to be sent to the book store. How long will it take them? Probably forever.

I'm going home to parents tomorrow. Another 6 a.m wake up call. But I'll see my cat and talk to my parents and maybe even meet up with people, if everything goes good.

And tomorrow is Valentine's Day. And I don't even want to talk about it. It's going to be just another day.

Today is the day of the party for our year in university. We're going to celebrate that halfway of the whole course is done and now another halfway is left and we're going to finish university. It's really awesome. Times flies to fast.

So, the party should be really great, only I don't know what kind of music the DJ is going to play. But since it's a club, I won't really care about the music. I did promised myself to not get really drunk. Plus, my room-mate said she'll call me up and will ask me to tell our address 3 times fast, and if I pass then I'm not drunk. I have a caring room-mate it seems.

I don't know what to do about twitter. Maybe, I should just quit the loudtwitter thing, so those updates wouldn't be posted automatically here. The things is, those twitter posts serve a great filler in this journal, especially when I don't write normal posts. We'll see. And I'm in love with twitter!

A stupid fact about me is that I don't like posting comments in communities or like I just love reading things and not commenting on them. I guess you can call me a lurker, but when I really really like/love something that I read I will definitely comment. This how I am. And I really don't like it. I did have a success on ij, when I had some awesome online friends, but then I got frustrated with myself and deleted that journal. Stupid me.