Little girl.
Feb. 13th, 2009 09:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nadyaI try to pretend to be a hard ass, to be someone cool. I'm really not. I'm just a stupid sweetheart, a goody-two-shoes. Sometimes I put up a front. And I try to be someone else. And I don't really know who I am. And I don't understand what I'm trying to say, do you?
I'm trying to change myself. I need to find good friends or I'll be alone forever. I can only change the way I look, I don't really know how to change my inside world. I tend to drive people away. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Stupid.
I write in a normal diary, I love listening to different music, I read stupid books and sometimes not so stupid, sometimes I read mangas, kids literature. I think I'm nothing, a no one. You shouldn't pay attention to me. I get attached to people easily. Maybe this is where the problem is. But I don't have that many people to spend my free time. Loser - this is what I am. And even other losers don't want to spend time with me. And it's a Friday's evening - and I'm sitting at the computer, listening to music. It doesn't really make me an interesting person, does it? Rhetorical question.
I think of myself as cynic, but I love life too. Sometimes I don't feel anything, sometimes I feel too much. And I hate it. I don't have a purpose to live and I don't understand the why. Why do I have to live? Another rhetorical question.
And I wanted to keep this journal pity free. Guess, it can't be helped especially when it comes to the person like me.
Other news: I went shopping alone today, and how I hate shopping alone. But I bought some awesome clothes and I went to a book-store and found the first part of Hellsing manga there. I've read the half of it already. Now I need to wait for other parts to be sent to the book store. How long will it take them? Probably forever.
I'm going home to parents tomorrow. Another 6 a.m wake up call. But I'll see my cat and talk to my parents and maybe even meet up with people, if everything goes good.
And tomorrow is Valentine's Day. And I don't even want to talk about it. It's going to be just another day.
I'm trying to change myself. I need to find good friends or I'll be alone forever. I can only change the way I look, I don't really know how to change my inside world. I tend to drive people away. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Stupid.
I write in a normal diary, I love listening to different music, I read stupid books and sometimes not so stupid, sometimes I read mangas, kids literature. I think I'm nothing, a no one. You shouldn't pay attention to me. I get attached to people easily. Maybe this is where the problem is. But I don't have that many people to spend my free time. Loser - this is what I am. And even other losers don't want to spend time with me. And it's a Friday's evening - and I'm sitting at the computer, listening to music. It doesn't really make me an interesting person, does it? Rhetorical question.
I think of myself as cynic, but I love life too. Sometimes I don't feel anything, sometimes I feel too much. And I hate it. I don't have a purpose to live and I don't understand the why. Why do I have to live? Another rhetorical question.
And I wanted to keep this journal pity free. Guess, it can't be helped especially when it comes to the person like me.
Other news: I went shopping alone today, and how I hate shopping alone. But I bought some awesome clothes and I went to a book-store and found the first part of Hellsing manga there. I've read the half of it already. Now I need to wait for other parts to be sent to the book store. How long will it take them? Probably forever.
I'm going home to parents tomorrow. Another 6 a.m wake up call. But I'll see my cat and talk to my parents and maybe even meet up with people, if everything goes good.
And tomorrow is Valentine's Day. And I don't even want to talk about it. It's going to be just another day.
