Tattoo =D

Feb. 20th, 2012 07:49 pm
nadya: (panic and freak out)
1. I'd been freaking out yesterday with the thought that today I was getting a tattoo. There were so many paranoid thoughts, what if it comes out bad or what if it'll hurt so bad I wont be able to stand the pain... And the most important question I'd been asking myself - was I really ready for a tattoo? Do I really need those words on my body.

When I was going to my appointment today, I was nervous as hell. I wrote to my friend A, pleading her to tell me to stops freaking out and she wrote me the best SMS ever: "STOP FREAKING OUT. THINK HAPPY THOUGHT." Those were the words, and what do I really love about that text is that those 3 last words are now tattooed on my body! I've been wanting to have them tattooed for the last 5 years or something and now it finally have happened!

I thought it would hurt really bad, but the pain was bearable, at some point it did hurt bad, but I could cope. There were no tears shed, thankfully.
photo of a fresh tattoo )
2. I went to visit my friends in Kaunas this Saturday, it was one of my friend's birthday, which we celebrated in a bar and as per usual got a very big bill. =D But firstly me and A went to see This Mean War. We've been waiting for that movie for a long time. We both thought that the movie would suck and we'll be just looking at T.Hardy all the time. But surprisingly for both of us, it was a really good movie. I really enjoyed it. And if DVD comes out in our country, I will definitely buy it! =D
nadya: (adam; ama performance)
Right now I'm drinking peppermint tea to calm my nerves and my still really fast beating heart. About a half hour ago I defended my paper in my Pharmacotherapy class, it was so nerve-wrecking, I thought I'd die from being this nervous.

The lecturer took 4 people to the classroom and at first, before talking about our work, we had to pick a card with 4 questions, choose one question and talk about it. The questions were seriously hard - and the only really good question was about insomnia, panic, fear and anxiety, so we chose that one and began talking. After 2 minutes or something he said that it's enough and started asking about our papers.

I was the 2nd to talk and my heart was beating so hard, but I felt that I wasn't getting red in the face, at least one good thing. And I was talking and talking and then he asked me a question and I answered it and he said OK, that's it and signed my record book. And I finally relaxed, although my heart was still beating very hard... At least everything's over now.

I have 2 exams left to take and summer holidays here we come!

So the bandom big bang fanfics are quite amazing, they are a great thing to distract me from studying or just a great thing to relax to.

And according to MCR blog, Mikey's latest post I'm guessing that maybe after when the contest is over on June 14th, we'll get to know some information about the album? y/n???? That would be really awesome!


Mar. 13th, 2010 06:28 pm
nadya: (think happy thoughts)
I'm getting crazy here, almost mad. It's 4 days break due to national holiday here and I thought about staying at the dormitory and studying for 2 tests that I have next week. But everything is driving me mad and it's only Saturday and I'm feeling like tomorrow should definitely be Monday. I'm CRAZY! I should've gone home to my parents, these 4 days would've been more pleasant there and I wouldn't be feeling so alone and mad and crazy and all headache-y.

And the tests next week are getting to me already, and I barely started revising for them. Drug Chemistry is the worst thing ever. The teacher demands too much from us, but she barely gives us any useful information while reading the lecture and we don't have any good books. It's like we should be pulling information from thin air. ;__;

And I'm going for a walk everyday 'cause I can't stand being in this room. It's like the walls are closing in on me. I guess, at least I've learned my lesson - don't stay at the dormitory when there's a more than 3 days break from studying and just go home.

Here, have a Cheshire cat to distract you from my pathetic little post:
nadya: (you have the grand gift of silence)
Feeling down a little bit. Realised that I definitely seriously stupidly fell in love and right now I don't know what to do. On one hand, it's a good thing, but on the other - not so great. I really should just ask him out and if he says no, I'll just move on. But I know myself, I'm a coward, I won't be able to ask him.

I feel like shit right now. I shouldn't be left alone when I'm sad, then all kinds of bad thought visit me. Like, 1) no one loves me; 2) I'm an ugly girl 3) I'm fat and I need to lose weight and then I'll be pretty (although I weight like 54 kg) 4) sometimes my mind remembers when I was in 10th grade and most of the time I was a sad little emo person and I wanted to die.

It's sad to be me sometimes, although all the other times I'm a happy person. Just sometimes I hit the low points in life and they are ugly. I think it's not that ugly inside my head like other people experience, but sometimes it gets quite ugly.

I've training today, sports should beat the shit out of the sadness - it usually does. And then in the evening me and some friends from uni will probably go somewhere. Maybe that will cheer me up.

To cheer myself up and to cheer everyone reading this, have a Patrick gif made by [ profile] craww
nadya: (do you speek moop?)
Yesterday I had the crappiest day of my life, I was just on nerves all day, everyone was making me sick and I just wanted to close myself in a room and just cry my eyes out. And when I woke up today, I thought that every thing's fine and it's going to be a good day. Only I did have a nervous breakdown, again. Stupid body and it's stupid hormones messing with my head.

And it was the first time that this happened to me, I just wanted to disappear. Was it stress related, was it something else? I don't understand myself.

I finally saw my brother, he came to visit us yesterday. It was so good to see him. And now he's going to visit us more often. I hope so. And he fixed my computer a little bit. At least, it's working better. And how could I think that I didn't have any viruses? 'Cause it's me - I always catch viruses. Stupid me.
nadya: (do you speek moop?)
It seems the words have ended or I'm just a lazy person to post here. Just lazy. And apparently I'm angry? Everyone's been telling me that I'm angry today. But I don't feel angry. Just a moment ago, room-mate asked me why I am so angry. And I'm like, I'm not angry, what are you talking about?

As true Pisces person, I don't understand myself and thus people don't understand me. But I easily understand other people's character. Ironic. And plus, I'm not angry, I'm just grumpy. Only, it's the same thing.

The only reason why I'm angry I can find, is that my muscles hurt real bad after yesterday's training, it's really hard to walk. I'll live. And then one annoying person in university got on my nerves: Why are you so angry? I don't understand you. What the fuck is the movie Watchmen, let's got watch Batman or something.

She fucking annoys me so bad. I don't know why I talk to her. I'm a masochist as I tell everyone every time when they ask me about her. =] But I'm hanging out with her because I'm a loser and only this annoying stupid girl would be my so called friend.

It's seriously time for me to go to sleep.
nadya: (Default)
I try to pretend to be a hard ass, to be someone cool. I'm really not. I'm just a stupid sweetheart, a goody-two-shoes. Sometimes I put up a front. And I try to be someone else. And I don't really know who I am. And I don't understand what I'm trying to say, do you?

I'm trying to change myself. I need to find good friends or I'll be alone forever. I can only change the way I look, I don't really know how to change my inside world. I tend to drive people away. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Stupid.

I write in a normal diary, I love listening to different music, I read stupid books and sometimes not so stupid, sometimes I read mangas, kids literature. I think I'm nothing, a no one. You shouldn't pay attention to me. I get attached to people easily. Maybe this is where the problem is. But I don't have that many people to spend my free time. Loser - this is what I am. And even other losers don't want to spend time with me. And it's a Friday's evening - and I'm sitting at the computer, listening to music. It doesn't really make me an interesting person, does it? Rhetorical question.

I think of myself as cynic, but I love life too. Sometimes I don't feel anything, sometimes I feel too much. And I hate it. I don't have a purpose to live and I don't understand the why. Why do I have to live? Another rhetorical question.

And I wanted to keep this journal pity free. Guess, it can't be helped especially when it comes to the person like me.

Other news: I went shopping alone today, and how I hate shopping alone. But I bought some awesome clothes and I went to a book-store and found the first part of Hellsing manga there. I've read the half of it already. Now I need to wait for other parts to be sent to the book store. How long will it take them? Probably forever.

I'm going home to parents tomorrow. Another 6 a.m wake up call. But I'll see my cat and talk to my parents and maybe even meet up with people, if everything goes good.

And tomorrow is Valentine's Day. And I don't even want to talk about it. It's going to be just another day.

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